3-30-2005
March 30,
2005
Dear
Friends,
I realize
that it has been over a month since my last email to you all. But much has been
happening, along with much soul searching and prayer. And I wanted to wait
until some of it had been sorted out in my mind for me before I passed it on to
you. I think I am finally at a point that I can talk about some of it openly
now, in a way that makes a little bit of sense.
So get
comfortable, this is likely going to be a longer than normal *chuckle*
newsletter, but one that I hope is well worth reading and challenging to you.
First
a rundown of what has happened in the physical world recently, then a
rundown of what it all means in my mind and things happening with the
ranch project.
My single
lady friend with the four kids and cancer? I asked God to allow me to go take
care of her and her children for two weeks while she recovered from surgery for
the cancer (in Australia). About the same time, someone in Australia offered
me a fulltime job. What then followed can only be described as truly miraculous
*soft chuckle*.
So first,
just to get there, I needed to get my passport, and fast. So in faith, I made
an appointment with the passport office in Seattle (only way they will grant
last minute passports is in person). That was on Friday, with an appointment on
Tuesday, hoping to fly out that next Friday (ONE week). I then borrowed a
vehicle from someone who has a spare ministry vehicle, and made plans to go,
and started getting my paperwork together. Two people then committed money to
help buy my plane ticket for me, but could not pay for it right then.
One of the
requirements to get a passport that fast is having proof of going, i.e., a
plane ticket in hand. But I couldn't find a ticket, and had no money anyway,
but still in faith, started off driving to Seattle, without a ticket, and
without money to even pay the fees associated with getting the passport. Had
enough gas money for there and back only, from a computer repair job I
had done for someone on Monday afternoon.
Along the
way, stopped at a friend's place, that, I swear out of the blue, had offered
just that afternoon to pay me an advance on some computer work he wanted me to
do for him after I got back from Australia, enough to cover my passport fees.
He runs a health club, and essentially hired me, and paid me with a company
check. This was 11pm Monday night, and I had no way to cash the check before
Seattle (and little expectation of being able to cash an out of town check IN
Seattle), but I accepted the check anyway, and didn't worry about it.
So on
Tuesday morning, I pull into Seattle, and the first thing I need to do is find
a public library to check my email to see if any of the money for
my plane ticket had come through so I could get the ticket and go get my
passport that afternoon. But Seattle is a big place! So I prayed and asked God
to show me what exit to get off to be near a public library. And finally one
exit, felt led to pull off. Asked a service station attendant about a public
library, and there was one about 3 blocks from there *chuckle* But wait there's
more!...... I had some time before they opened, so found the nearest
Kinko's to get passport photos made, just a couple more blocks away.
Another answer to prayer. But when I got there, their photo equipment was on
the fritz. 5 retakes and nearly an hour later, I finally had passport photos,
and they gave them to me for free since I had been so patient with them (I made
them aware of my tight deadline). FREE. I couldn't believe it! I was
thanking God. Then back to the public library where I got online...... And no
money...... Was a critical moment in time for me. But since God had just
worked out the passport photo thing....
In faith, I
headed for the passport office anyway, still no plane ticket, still without
having cashed that company check my friend gave me (to pay the passport fees).
Sure
enough, when I explained my situation, that I wanted to fly to Australia 3 days
later to care for someone, and needed a passport to do so, they gave me flak
about not having my paperwork in order. But they DID say they could accept the
company check (that I had intentionally left the "PAY TO ORDER OF"
line blank).
Then the
passport lady noticed the company check, that it was a health club, and asked
about it, since I had said I was going to Australia to provide health care for
someone. And she said that if I could get a faxed statement from the health
club of my itinerary in Australia, it would be proof enough for them, and that
they would give me my passport. So with less than 2 hours before the office was
to close (at 3pm), I was on the phone back to my friend, and he faxed me a
health club statement of my itinerary in Australia, saying that I had been
hired by them (which I had been), and that I was going to Australia to provide
health care to someone. And the passport office accepted it, and the company
check, and put the wheels in motion.... They closed the doors at 3pm, I stayed
inside waiting for my passport, and had a passport in hand by 3:20 pm.....
*chuckle*.... That in itself was pretty cool. So I drove back to Boise that
evening, praising God along the way. And more than once that night, He and His
angels were with me as I drove, as I was VERY tired. I should have died more
than once with close calls falling asleep. I finally pulled off at the next
rest stop and slept awhile. But made it home ok Wednesday morning.
So I was
wanting to fly out on Friday, and still no plane ticket, and tickets getting
more expensive by the day. But prayed in faith, specifically, that God would
find me a ticket for the original times I had planned, and within the budget
promised to me (well below what tickets were by now costing). Talked to several
travel agents, tried to find discount tickets, etc and so forth, but nothing.
Finally, Thursday afternoon, I just sat down and said, "OK God, apparently
I am not supposed to go. I accept that. Show me the next steps." 20
minutes later, the LAST travel agent to finally get back in touch with me, that
frankly I had written off, called me with a ticket when I wanted, and within
budget. I put her in touch with the person actually paying for the ticket, and
Friday afternoon I was on plane to Australia. *chuckle*
But there's
more!
In
Australia, I was able to spend two days with my friends family before her
surgery. Got there Sunday morning. Something she had planned for us was Sunday
night to attend Hillsong Church's 2005 Worship DVD recording concert down in
Sydney. It was an adventure getting there (They drive on the WRONG *chuckle*
side of the road there), and navigating through Sydney (I was map person, my
friend drove). We got there about half hour before start time, and the line was
already out the door, around the corner, and down the block, at the Sydney
Entertainment Center (a BIG venue). I was a little worried, but just let God be
God, and went ahead and got in line, at the end of the line....
And about
15 minutes later, the line had moved about 10 feet is all, and from a side
door, this middle aged gray haired gentleman makes a beeline straight for us.
STRAIGHT to us, out of a line of several hundred (thousand?) people. He asks us
how many we have in the family (6). He then says there is no way we will make
it inside before the doors close, but to wait for him. He then disappeared back
inside and I looked at my friend and she shrugged. We have no idea who that man
was other than my friend thought she MIGHT have recognized him from her own
attendance at Hillsong several years previously. But he came back about 5
minutes later, took all 6 of us in through that side door, handed us off to
some ushers, and they found seats for us! I heard later that they had turned
several thousand people away because the place was packed..... Tell me
that isn't the hand of God *soft laughter*. I put more of my heart into worship
that night than I have in a long time, with many tears and hands raised. It was
very special.
Then Monday,
my friend had her pre operation checkup, before surgery on Tuesday. They
apparently found that not only had the cancer stopped spreading (from 3
months ago when everyone started praying for her), but appeared to have begun
to shrink. So Tuesday in surgery, they decided to just take more biopsies
(rather than removal) as well as take care of some other stuff internally
for her. She was then down for several days while I tried to take care of her,
the house, and the 4 children. Was pretty crazy. But God was evident there too.
Had good bonding time with the children. At first, my presence there caused
huge chaos as it brought out issues of abandonment by their real father that
the children each had buried. But as these issues came out, we worked through
them, and by the second week, some semblance of normality had returned to the
household, especially as my friend was also able to once again get up and start
moving around.
So in
response to a question I have been asked several times, part of the time I
stayed at my friend's house, especially when she was recovering from the
surgery, part of the time I spent in a tent camped out. It was good. It was all
good. Even the way we found the tent site was a total God thing, as we rented
it site unseen across the internet. It was cool. And it was the perfect site
too. But that's God for you! *soft chuckle*
But yes, I
got to see kangaroos, yes I got to pet a Koala bear, yes I got to see the
Australian beach. All things cool.
Right
before I was to fly home two weeks later, my friend had her post operative
checkup. They told her that not only did the biopsies of the margins around the
cancer come back clear, but that the tumors had continued to shrink, and
several of them had apparently gone away completely, even in just the two
weeks I was there. As in, the largest tumor was less than half the size at the
end of the two weeks, that it was when I first got there. And the doctor was
apparently just scratching his head, at a total loss to explain it (but we can,
can't we? *laughter*). It was totally cool. God is SOOO good!
And now I
am home again.
And yes, I
checked out/interviewed for that job while I there, and was offered it.
And that
brings us back to the ranch here.
I have
spent the last two weeks after getting home, doing LOTS of praying, some
fasting, and discussing things with God and the people that I trust and am
accountable to. And these are some of the conclusions that have come forth
1. God told
me to build a children's ranch and prayer conference center. It's not been
built yet. I cannot leave
2. I cannot
build this ranch alone. We have our first executive board meeting planned for
Saturday April 9th. Please pray that God is there with us, and directs our
thoughts
3. I miss
my friend in Australia something fierce.
4. I do not
want this ranch to be about me, Tim. I want God to build it in a way that
proves He was behind it. But this does not release me from the call He placed
on me to build a ranch, and to do so with all my strength and to the best of my
ability.
5. I do not
think I will be Administrator of this ranch forever. I believe my job is to get
it up and functioning, and eventually hand it off to someone else while I move
on to another project...
6. My personal
finances and debt load are drowning me while I have tried to work for
myself so I have time to work on the ranch and at the church and on the other
ministry things I have been involved in.
7. I am
enjoying living here at the ranch and working on this project. I WANT to see it
happen, and be a part of it..
So it
finally dawned on me that, given what I used to make financially in the high
tech sector, and the jobs available now in either the high tech world
again or real estate (anyone need a rookie real estate agent?), it made
the most sense to me to go ahead and find a job back down in Boise, because I
would then be making enough money, literally, to hire someone fulltime to
work up here on projects, and also have enough money to buy him/her/them materials
to work with, AND still pay my own financial obligations and debts. I
would be farther along on the project that way, than I am right now. And in
this, I have begun sending out lots and lots of job apps and resumes, seriously
seeking fulltime employment.
So I am
praying that God take my commitment, my obedience, and multiply and bless it in
a way that only He can do, so that He gets the glory, not me. And if He wants
me to have one of my old high paying jobs back, I am praying that He gets me the
right one, and soon. And that He brings me the right person to hire to work on
projects here while I am in Boise each day.
And I still
see little fingerprints of God all over the place too, in my life and on the
ranch *chuckle*.
1.) Me and
Dennis (my pastor) had cut down almost 2 cord of firewood back in December, to
sell to someone. But they never bought it. Which made me think that we were
going to have a late snowfall in the spring and that I would need some of that
wood for myself. And what do you know, but we got 6 inches of snow up here
yesterday, and my original supply of firewood ran out. *chuckle* I am now
using that wood that we cut down earlier. God was totally arranging things and
protecting me.
2.) The
dams and reservoirs up here are very low. Not enough snow this past winter. So
the other day, while driving to Boise with my 5 yr old daughter Vanya in the
car next to me, I prayed out loud that God would make it snow and rain here to
fill up the reservoirs so farmers here could irrigate and so that the forest
fire season wouldn't be too bad this summer. And about 10 miles further down
the road, Vanya got carsick and we had to stop and pull off for a minute. And
while we were there, it suddenly started snowing, hard, out of a only partially
cloudy sky. And Vanya looked up and pointed at the sky and said "You asked
God to make it snow daddy, and He did!". It was one of those moments where
everything in the world just seems right for a moment.. And then the big
snowstorm yesterday..... It was cool, and the reservoir is slowly filling up
and the ground water supply is slowly being replenished. It is good.
3.)
Yesterday, I helped a neighbor tear down a small building on their property,
and he gave me some of the materials out of it, like a toilet, a vanity and
sink, and some other things that I need for installation in one of the cabins
here on the ranch.
4.) My
power inverter to provide electricity to the ranch off the battery banks,
exploded on me last week. So I took it apart yesterday and lo and behold, found
a bug in the system. Literally. Mosquito had shorted out two of the connections
inside and apparently caused a chain reaction that destroyed three different
components (the miniature explosion I heard in the unit when I turned it on
last week). I was then able to find the parts online today that I need to fix
it. Kinda cool.
5.) Have
had a number of single time computer repair jobs come up, just as I needed
them, to do things like buy food for me and Vanya while she was here on spring
break, buy gas to get back and forth to the valley, etc and so forth.
6.) I had
yet another single Christian lady (friend of a friend) write me and ask me last
week about her being onstaff here as a fulltime youth counselor. I have not
written her back yet, but have been praying seriously about it. Something about
her letter stopped me dead in my tracks and made me really lift this one up to
the Lord. I have the strangest feeling that she will be pivitol in this ranch
somehow, and I have never even met her. Jenny
7.) The
medical assistant who last year committed to moving here to be onstite onstaff
medical (an old friend), has finally found full time employment so she can pay
off her own debts in preparation of moving here. Beth.
But there's
also things that concern me, and battle raging around me.
A car that
was donated for use or sale here at that ranch, I was going to let a friend try
to sell while I was in Australia, and somehow in the confusion, the keys to it
were lost, and we can't find them, and thus sell the car. And not enough
money right now to pay a locksmith. So can't sell the car, so rent not been
paid this month yet either. A whole snowball thing happening there.
And the
deadline of May 31st to have money to buy this place is fast approaching
too, either the $100,000 down, or the $450,000 to buy it outright. I don't have
a clue where this money is going to come from. Everything I have explored or
tried so far hasn't gone anywhere. Anyone have any ideas or leads? There is a
mortgage broker on this list who has some interesting investment and creative
financing ideas for buying this place, but without seed money, even his help is
of limited value. I still have a few ideas up my sleeve, but if this place is
going to be a reality, I think God is simply not going to build it on my
efforts alone.
Which all
makes me wonder what is happening, because after seeing God do such
incredible and amazing things concerning my Australia trip, to come back here
to the ranch and have things moving sooooooo slowly again, (moving, but just
slowly), it makes me just pause and ask God what is going on. I look at all the
incredible things God has done so far with this place, so I know He has been in
it. I know all the confirmations that He has given both me and other people
about this place, and that I am exactly where He wants me. I know that He has
consistently met my basic needs this past year, and I have never been without
food or necessities of life. But I'll also be honest and say that everything I
have tried to make things happen on a bigger scale, such as pay off my debts
and buy the ranch, it has all fallen on its face. So I am struggling to
find a balance between giving my best effort to God to obey Him and build this
ranch, while still honoring my debts, and waiting on Him to provide a way to
accomplish His will here in a way that does not bring credit to myself.
But I am
proceeding in faith, just as I did with the Australia trip, that the
destination is there, and that God will provide a way, and that puzzle pieces
will fall into place exactly when they are supposed to as I proceed in that
direction *contented chuckle*.
Prayer
requests:
1.) Pray
that our first board meeting on April 9th is a productive event.
2.) Pray
that I keep my focus, and that I recognize each step God wants me to take....
3.) Bills
and Finances.... 'nuff said
4.) I am
sick again!!! Arggh! I caught a doozy of a cold or the flu from
Vanya over the weekend. I have been running fever for several days, coughing,
sneezing, sinus headaches, etc and so forth. NOT fun right in the middle of
everything else! I have not felt well a lot this past year, someone
pointed out to me recently, and I think I just plain need to take better care of
myself. So I need prayer in that too. Self discipline to take better care of
myself.
5.) That I
know the mind, heart, and voice of God better, and that He develops in me
a deeper passion for Him and things of Him.
6.)
Committed Christians that can help out here with the ranch.....
Praises!:
1.)
Wonderful and successful Australia trip
2.) God
supplying my basic needs
3.) That I
got to spend lots of time with my daughter Vanya over Spring Break
4.) That I
am still seeing and recognizing God's fingerprints all around me.
5.) The
deepening friendships that God has placed around me, that help me grow, give me
strength, and point me to God.
5.) Healing
for my Australian friend.
Thank you,
those of you that have supported me, prayed for me, encouraged me, and even
offered positive criticism. It has all been good, and I thank God for all of
it, and for all of you who have been a part of this thing. Thanks
Keep
praying! God is good.
In Him
-Tim
Tim
Benedict
Thorn Creek Conference Center
21 Yellowpine Lane
Boise, ID 83716
208-392-6723
tbenedict@bigskytel.net
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