March 9, 2007
Dear friends,
Greetings! :-)
As I review the past week from Hades, I have to just sit
here and think..... Do I laugh or do I cry? Who am I? What am I doing here? Why
go through this hell? Everything is pressing in on me, and I have a choice to
make. Do I cut and run? Do I abandon my dream? Or do I knuckle down and keep
plodding along? Do I share my needs? What is being asked of me? And ultimately,
how does my relationship with God figure into all this, and what is God doing?
So let's review what I know. I am Tim Benedict, one of a
group of friends trying to build a youth ranch and conference/retreat
center/camp in Idaho City, Idaho. These newsletters detail the progress of the
project, some of my family's happenings, and occasionally, some of my
more spiritual musings. It is not an 'official' ranch newsletter, or
even strictly about the ranch, but just an unofficial email, as written by one
of the youth ranch founders, who has a life that he wants to share about.
Most of the people on this list are people that I have personally met and
talked to (300+). There's a few that are just interested in what's
happening, and since we don't have an 'official' newsletter yet, I
just copy you my personal newsletter.
What else? I have a broken heart for wounded people. Several
days a week recently, we have been taking care of a baby of a (from what
we understand) young woman lost in drugs. My heart cries for this 11 week old
little girl that has no future unless someone steps in and reaches out to her,
her mom, and her family. Likewise, last summer, I married a Godly single mom
with 7 kids, that my heart went out to and then fell in love with. Similarly,
my father stopped me cold one time when he told me that he is proud of the
way that I always have room in my heart for the misfits of society. I have been
very active in the past in pro-life causes. I pray for people. I hurt for
people. I hurt for the battered, abused and neglected. I get overwhelmed and
discouraged when I can't help more of them. Now granted, sometimes I get
distracted/hurt/wounded myself too, but I always return to this core
personality trait within me. I bleed for wounded people.
Besides, I want to leave a legacy behind, after I am gone. I
want to know that my life counted for something in the bigger scheme of things.
I want to know that because I lived and walked with God, someone else had a
better life and met God for themselves.
And then I am reminded too of the little
modern parable about the boy walking along the seashore throwing
beached/stranded starfish back out into the surf, . An old man asks him why he
is doing such a pointless things, since there are so many more thousands of
beached starfish than this little boy can ever hope to throw back.
"Why bother, and what does it matter?" The boy, as he picks up and
throws another one back, calmly answers, "It mattered to that
one."
I try to remind myself of this when I get overwhelmed and
discouraged. I am here to make a difference in wounded people's lives, even if
it is only one person at a time.
But wounded people sometimes cause wounds too. What then? I
have to just move on. I can't let one person's misery stop me from
reaching out to those that are truly grateful, right?
So why here? Why Boise County, up in the forest, 4 miles
from the nearest power pole, where it gets cold, life is hard, and people
die unnatural deaths all the time.
I did some research.
A huge percentage of the meth that goes from Mexico to
Chicago, apparently goes up both hwy21 and hwy55, both in Boise County.
Similarly, Boise County has a huge local meth/drug use problem as well.
Consider too that land is cheap up here compared to the Boise metro area, and
some of the different land barons make a lot of money selling to "Boise
refugees" that then can't make their payments and get their land repo'd.
It makes good sense from a business standpoint, and they make it possible for
the poor to become land owners, but another social impact is that Boise
County is the last stop before jail time for many of these 'Boise
refugees'. Boise County is a hard place to live too. It's a third world
country in many ways. A large percentage of the people up here don't have
power, phones, or even indoor plumbing (yes, I can name multiple properties
right now that have outhouses still in use). The hills here are full of wounded
people that have fled bad situations in Boise, hoping to escape, trying to find
peace of mind/heart/spirit, make a new start, hide from the law, or simply to
party/drink their weekends/lives away. This is a mission field here, and
we are in effect, missionaries. Yes, there are lots of well-off and 'normal'
people that live here too, but the ratio of poor/wounded to well-off,
is much higher than in Boise. People die here. Some of them simply come here to
die, after dealing with cancer and whatnot. Some of them die by suicide. Some
of them die when they go out into the forest unprepared. Some of them die
by other people's hands. The grief they all leave behind lingers in the
air. Boise County is a beautiful county, but it is also a third world country,
a big refugee camp of sorts, and a huge mission field. And we carry
the light. That makes us missionaries.
So if I truly want to work with wounded people and bring
them to restoration and healing in God, it only makes sense that I go where the
wounded people are. They aren't going to come to me in Boise. This is a third
world country up here, and we are missionaries.
Besides, I loved camps as a kid, and what better place to
hold camps for kids/people in Boise, than up here, where it is indeed peaceful
and beautiful? It's a strange dichotomy in so many ways, the beauty and peace
of nature here, contrasted to the human desolation and despair also found here.
So I am here, to make a difference in the lives of the
people in Boise County, and inspire the people in Boise that come to visit
future camps here (Boise is not in Boise County, go figure).
So how about a summary of the last week from hell, and some
of the ways in which I have seen the reality of God in our lives.
Karen my wife, threw her back out at work last Saturday. Her
boss refused to give us the work-injury forms in a timely manner so we could
fill out a claim so we could get a doctor to help her. God responded by giving
Karen 6 doctors appointments with 4 different professionals (an
injury care massage therapist, a chiropractor, and 2
overall body-systems workers), all of whom, working together, put her back
on her feet, for free. No charges. Less than a week after the accident, she's
back functional with life again (and very thankful to God for it). God then
restored my manuscript job to me, and gave me lots of work. When Karen then
attempted to gracefully resign her job because of the injury, her boss fired
her and essentially accused her of stealing several hundred dollars from
the till (yet to be resolved). But the doctors Karen has seen have all
promised ongoing care, and three of them commented on how it was
interesting that on each day that Karen needed to see them, their schedules
were strangely altered through external circumstances (whether through prior
cancellations or other things) to where they could fit her in. I had to smile
at that.
So last weekend, we had nine kids in the house, and Karen
was in bed with that thrown-out back (our 7 full-time kids, my daughter
Vanya, and the baby I mentioned above). On Sunday afternoon, the wood
stove that we heat with started smoking really bad and smoked us out. Things
worked out though, because that evening we were already planning to go to Boise
for Karen's first doctor's appointment. It worked out cool too, because the
kids all got showers at the home of a friend, since we were already in Boise,
in preparation for Monday. The next day after Vanya and the baby went back
to their respective homes, we mainstreamed the other 6 school age kids
in the local public school, for a multitude of reasons (and they
had all had their showers, something they were worried about when the wood
stove malfunctioned the day before and thus couldn't heat any water for us).
And let me tell you, the first day/week of school is always stressful for even
just 1 child, let alone 6.
Monday, our phone was disconnected, and when we called the
phone company from a neighbor's phone to find out why, they didn't know, but
promised to have it back on within 24 hours (It was back on in less than one).
They couldn't explain why it had been shut off. But the cool part is (God at
work?), that because it had been shut off, I discovered that a garnishment had
been placed on our bank account, from a judgment that happened regarding
a 7 year old debt from my first marriage (a debt that had fallen through
the cracks of my fractured life in the divorce, and the subsequent judgment had
originally been served to my ex who declared bankruptcy). I was immediately
able to work with it, contact my creditor and set up payments, before
it damaged our bank balance --- which would not have been possible if I hadn't
found it in time, which wouldn't have happened if the phone hadn't been
disconnected. Some people might say it's just luck, but when I read in the
Bible that "All things happen for good for those that love God," I
have to give credit where credit is due, and tell God thanks (and not lose my
cool in the process).
That night, we were out of water again, and I didn't
know why. The next day, after praying, I went looking for the problem, and
found it within an hour or so, an underground broken pipe, that
had carved out a tunnel under the frozen frost line, from the pipe break
to almost 20 feet down a hill to where it came up right next to a creek. When I
showed a neighbor, his response was simply "That's amazing that you found
that, Tim," and I just told him I had prayed about it, and had then found
it. That was part of a much larger conversation where we talked about God,
Jesus, and our places in the universe, a conversation I had been wanting to
have with this man for 3 years now. It was cool.
Are all our problems now resolved? No. There's more too, but
you get the gist. Can I say that my attitude was angelic through each
"crisis"? No, but I'm learning. And as each of the other remaining
crisises play out, I am confident that greater good will also come from each of
them.
So what do I learn from all these things, on a spiritual/God
level?
Two things stand out to me.
1. Every time we have stepped out in faith on something,
especially recently regarding living here and working with wounded people,
we have immediately been hit by some insane catastrophe that leaves people (and
occasionally me too) scratching their heads and advising us to bail out. But
then God has also immediately responded to bring incredible good out of the
situation, and somebody's life gets touched. So I rest assured that I am
where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing, and in
the battle between good and evil, I am making the darkness pretty
angry and giving God a chance to smile on me. (Case in point, stepping out in
faith to care for this baby).
And....
2. If you want to truly see God at
work, you gotta do the time, and live in true faith. It ain't faith if you have
a backup plan. I stepped out in faith four years ago, gave up my home, gave up
my relatively cushy career, fled an abusive marriage, and moved to Boise
County, to a place without power, without running water, and where we get 3 or
more feet of snow every winter, all while following a crazy dream and passion
to work with wounded people and create a camp for people in Boise. I did the
time. I froze, I sweated, I bled, I kept talking about it, and even though I
got discouraged and thought about bailing out several times, I didn't give up.
Slowly, other people began to catch the vision too. And because I did the time
and didn't give up when people called me crazy, irresponsible, stupid, and
a bunch of other things, God eventually blessed me with an awesome wife
and family, a cool church family, satisfaction, a place to live in the
mountains (a childhood dream), new/loyal friends that believe in me and what we
are doing, a one-on-one ministry to wounded people, most of my debts paid off,
a good stay-at-home job, never a lack of food/fellowship, and a host of other
things that I didn't have before and most that money can't buy. Are we there
yet? Do we see the final dream in place yet? No, but in faith I can see it. I
am living it. I am doing the time. Am I ready to cut and run? Are you kidding?
Not! (But sometimes I have to write a newsletter and get it all down on paper
to remind myself of this again *smiling*). Would I have any of these
things that now bring so much joy, satisfaction, and contentment to my life, if
I had bailed out when the going got tough so many times over the last
4 years? No...... So I am going to keep doing the time. I want to see how
God will bless me in the future. He promises to take care of me,
and fulfill my deepest desires if I put Him first and simply do the
time.
So now, like I ask on the website, are you supposed to
have a part in this?
With more prayer behind us, we could do so much more. We
need the strength that prayer lends. We need the spiritual protection that
comes through prayer. We need the spiritual boldness that comes through prayer.
We need pray-ers, and prayer warriors behind us and this project. Would you
consider praying daily for us if you don't already?
Or would you consider investing in your heavenly
bank account? If half of the nearly 400 people on this newsletter
list donated $10 a month toward this project, it would meet my family's budget
needs, and both Karen and I could work fulltime on this youth ranch/camp
project, and put a return back into your heavenly bank account for you. And
what's $10? The price of 3 or 4 movie rentals or cigarrette packs?
Contrast that to the price of a soul touched for God. That's called money in
your heavenly bank account. I support other ministries financially too. It's
going into my heavenly bank account. Jesus said that if we feed the poor, we
feed Him. If we clothe a child, we clothe Him. If we give a wounded
wanderer water to drink, we give Jesus water to drink. He's my
accountant. Make Him yours.
In short, if this project is going to grow to the next
level, we need more people to believe in what is happening here, and to be
willing to partner with us to enable us to make it happen, whether it be
through daily prayer covering, encouraging emails and notes, checks, online
donations through the website, encouraging phone calls, youth group visits, work
afternoons, or ????? Ask God about what your part is as we gear up for a busy
spring.
I am reminded of a quote by one of the five missionaries
murdered by the Aucas, as portrayed in the true story movie "End of the
Spear".
"He is no fool, who gives up what he cannot keep, to
gain what he cannot lose." - (Jim Elliot?)
Sincerely,
-Tim, Karen, and family.
208-392-6723
timbenedict@peoplepc.com
http://www.bighouseministries.com
21 Yellowpine Lane, Boise, ID 83716