5-5-2005
Dear Friends,
So much to tell, so
much to tell!!
God is faithful, even
when we don't always feel Him there, can I say that? I have seen Him move and
work some kinda cool things here lately.
So I have laundry
going, the weather outside is a wonderful 65 degrees (after the winter, this is
positively heavenly *chuckle* - about 18 degrees or so for you celcius people),
and there is a pretty serious thunderstorm picking up outside (and we've had at
least 3 minor fires up in this area already this spring that the various local
volunteer fire departments have been called to respond to - none yet though for
the department where I am a volunteer). So it's a nice day, and I love a good
lightning storm, except for the forest fire danger it presents up here. There
is still snow on many of the peaks around me where lightning would strike, and
it has been raining off and on for several days, so I am not too worried right
now, I am just enjoying it :-)
I know it's been
awhile since my last email update to everyone. A lot has happened. People are
starting to bug me and ask what's happening because I have been quiet too long.
So here's my newsletter :-). A lot has been happening, and a lot depends on the
next 3 weeks. Like the future of the whole entire ranch project depends on the
next three weeks.....
So let's see, what
has happened since last email, before I tell you why the next 3 weeks are so
critical.... And I have to laugh when I look at everything happening, both good
and bad. It's been pretty insane really.
Well, I am still
sick. I have literally been sick with the flu/cold/crud clear since last
November. And the story gets better *chuckle*
I had relayed that I
was going to look for full time employment in the last newsletter, and I did. I
started looking hard, and I sent out tons of resumes, and instantly got
sicker... And just as it was getting really bad, a niece I never even knew I
had (another relative was forwarding her my emails apparently) called me out of
the blue one night saying that God had placed me on her heart to pray for me.
So she did. That God would be real to me again, and take care of me, and direct
my steps, and of course to help me feel better.
And wouldn't you know
it, but God apparently had something else in mind, because the crud sickness
got worse instead, so bad in fact that several days later again (this was
midway through March) I had to call my pastor to drive me in to the Emergency
Room at St Luke's hospital in Boise with an "acute sinus infection"
is what the doctor called it. He gave me antibiotics and I literally spent the
next week in bed, never getting out of bed for more than several hours each day
to fix some basic food for myself. Which pretty much killed the job search....
I think I shared last time that my electricity inverter had blown up too, so
other than gas lights and candles, I was in the dark here too because I sure
didn't feel like going outside to fire up the generator to run the computer or
big lights.... Somewhere in there, in the fevered fog that I was in, I
misplaced my glasses too, and didn't feel up to putting in my contacts, so I
literally was completely out of touch with reality for several days there.
Isn't that crazy? *chuckle*
I found my glasses
several days ago, by the way.... Thankyou GOD!
Then is dawned on me
that one of the wood stoves I had installed in here, back in November, was
back-drafting smoke and carbon monoxide into the house nightly. And seriously,
I had installed it in here in November, right about the time I started to get
sick...... So I immediately took it out of the house, and will use it later in
a different cabin, installed much differently. That was over 2 weeks ago. And I
am still sick with the crud (antibiotics didn't even touch it, they only
cleared up the infection part of it). But slowly and surely, I am getting
better. Coughing less and sinus draining less. The other wood stove in the
house does not backdraft, so I've just been using it instead, and many nights now,
since the weather is warming up so much, not even using it either. But I'm
thinking that there is still a source of sinus irritation like mildew or
something in the house here too, so next week, I have a friend who sells some
pretty amazing air purifiers coming up to try out one of his units in here and
see if that helps me too. I'll let you know how it goes.....
Let's see, what
else.....
I did finally get the
electricity power inverter fixed, so I have power again 24/7. That is SOOOO
nice. You kinda start to take things like electricity for granted after
awhile.....
Another God touch....
I put a bunch of my old internet-ready computers in the paper to sell, just to
make ends meet, but didn't have enough monitors for all of them. Yesterday, I
hooked up with a friend of mine who had lots of spare monitors that he wanted
to get rid of. Call it a divine appointment. So now I can sell all the extra
computers that I have stacked up here (that had originally been slated to use
for homeschool lab here but are now too old for the new homeschool software out
there, even if they do still make good internet machines).
Oh, somewhere in the
fog of the last month, I also got the chance to tour a relatively new 3500+
sqft house for sale just down the road from here that is ideally situated and
suited to be a foster home (or maybe an unwed mothers home), as is, right now.
I am praying that God brings us the money and the house parents to get this place
also, so we can start reaching out to foster kids and at-risk kids immediately.
Some friends of mine, who already live up here and take in foster kids now,
says she had over 10 calls in one week alone from the state (just several weeks
ago), desperate to find a home for kids in situations that needed immediate
state intervention. Does that tell you something of the need? This ranch right
here is suited more for conference and camp work, while the 5 bedroom house
down the road is totally suited for foster kids, right now. They have 10 acres
along with this home, and are asking $350,000. And the kids can have chores up
here at the ranch where we will run the camps and conferences and have horses,
etc. Like is said, it is literally just about 4 miles down the road from here
(and yes, they have utility power there, not like here where we generate our
own).
About the same time,
one of the men I had asked to be on the board here, resigned and said only that
He felt God was leading him in other directions. Though I understood and
accepted it, it also felt like the wind got knocked out of me. So I wasn't sure
quite what to think....
The next week though,
I had been asked to preach in church, and that was really cool. Enjoyed that,
and had a lot of good feedback afterwards, that people were thinking about it.
In fact, I continued to hear feedback for quite some time after that. That was
neat, to realize that God gave me words, and then used them to touch and
challenge people.
So let's see, oh
yeah, the job search.... So several weeks ago, after I got to feeling well
enough to start seriously job searching again, I headed for Boise one afternoon
to see a friend who wanted to talk, and then do some job searching and put a
"for sale" sign on a vehicle someone donated to us to sell so that I
could pay off some back rent owed on the ranch, I only got about a mile down
the road from here, and had a tire blowout. A stick sticking out of the dirt
road completely ripped the sidewall out of one of my tires. I made it about 50
feet before it was completely flat. So I turned it around and came back up here
about 5 mph. The next day, my pastor came over and we took the tire off. It was
actually his vehicle anyway that I had been driving for a couple weeks because
I didn't have money to keep my own operational (too sick to do much work), and
he had let me borrow his extra one. But I was looking through the stack of
tires that I have been collecting here to build an obstacle course for the
ranch with, and I found two matching ones that would fit his vehicle (a cool
God fingerprint). So he and I took those tires over to his house, and he showed
me how to break them down and replace the tires on the rims manually without
going clear into town to a tire store. That was INVALUABLE knowledge to me. Got
it all squared away, and now he has a spare tire for his vehicle too (didn't
have one before). God totally turned that one around for good, even if it did
leave me scrambling for income later...
Then last week, just
as I was in the middle of working with some resumes and some auctions online
again, lightning struck while I was on the computer and blew out my internet
connection, fried the computer's motherboard, and in general put me back
another couple days yet again. It took me several days working on another extra
machine that I had, to get it up and functional with all the bells and whistles
that I need and am used to having on my work machine. That was last week's
dilemma.
I seem to have been
having at least one major crisis or dilemma a week.... *chuckle*.
But because I got
knocked offline last week midweek, I was not able to earn some money that I had
expected to earn, which meant that I missed my internet bill due date, AND my
phone bill due date. So of course my internet got disconnected on Friday. And
this week, Tuesday morning, I was talking to a company in Arkansas about
developing a big interactive web site for them (a contract worth a fair bit),
and my phone got disconnected too (Tuesday afternoon).... Which means I missed
an important conference call with them, and may have lost the contract.
Fortunately, a friend advanced me enough money to get my phone turned back on
last night (Wednesday), and I literally pawned the leather jacket off my back
to get enough money to take out ads in the paper to sell these extra computers
I have around here so that I can pay some more on my internet bill and some
other things too.... But see what I mean about things getting so bad that they
almost become funny? *chuckle*.
So frankly, because
of all the problems, the sickness, the lack of money, and just everything, I
could only assume that God was closing the doors here. But it was kinda weird
too because about 2 weeks ago, someone unexpectedly donated 12 big heavy-duty,
deep-cycle batteries for use here (worth lots of money), effectively doubling
our power storage capacity (which we need if we are going to put the conference
center building into operation, but I hadn't asked God about yet). So it left
me feeling confused about what God was/is doing here. May 31st is the deadline
to have a $100,000 raised for a downpayment here. And it just isn't/wasn't
happening. In fact, I am only sinking deeper and deeper into debt. I was
honestly starting to plan for next month, leaving and moving to Australia where
the high tech sector is rip roaring strong right now (19 new network engineer
(something else that I do and enjoy) jobs have come open in just the last 3
days in Western Sydney alone (near my friend there), paying anywhere from $75,000
to $120,000 each - we sent them each my resume, just to see what might happen,
and have had one request for an interview already....).
In short, I was
getting kinda discouraged....
Then I ran across
some information on Sunday, another divine appointment thing I believe, about
some grants available to get places like this off the ground and up and
running. The only catch is that to take the full 3 day class to train me and
get me going (1st day was free which I went to already, while the second and third
days cost money and are this Saturday and Sunday) and have full access to all
their professional on-staff consultants that can help me put the grants
together, I need $1300 by tomorrow afternoon. So I finally was able to put for
sale signs in that donated vehicle (actually the best looking vehicle I have
right now) late last night and am praying that God either sells it, or that the
$1300 comes in another way. So that I can put out for some grants next week
(apparently some of which have as fast as a 72 hour turnaround on them). So I
have hope again for this place...
My heart just aches
as I walk (several times recently) around this place though and see all the
work to be done, and see all the potential here. I had a church from Boise come
up two weeks ago and check the place out for use for some of their own
retreats. They seemed to be impressed at the possibilities, and at the work to
be done too *sad chuckle*. But I do. My heart just aches when I walk around
here and think about the things that we could do together to run prayer
retreats, conferences, host youth camps, and work with hurting people. And to
feel my hands be so tied. It's incredibly frustrating.
I have been praying
that God makes it lightning bolt clear to everyone that either HE is the one
that built this place, or that HE is the one that closes the door to this
place. And at this point, with 3 weeks left until the deadline me and the
owners agreed to last year to have something worked out, it will be either one
or the other. Up and Running because of God, or me moving on, because of God. I
personally love it here. It has been a dream and fantasy of mine ever since I
was a kid to live in the mountains like this here. And also to be in full time
ministry. But to have both would just be truly and simply awesome. Humanly
speaking, it is foolishness to be attempting this. But I am game to try
anything that I feel God is behind. And for goodness sake, the hurting people
around us need our attention! And when I look back over the entire last year,
it is very obvious to me, and I hope everyone else too that has followed this
drama, that God is very alive, and has had His hand at work here. Just bringing
in the extra vehicles when I thought that people had committed to moving here.
Bringing in the extra housing when I thought people had committed to moving
here. Protecting me from bad things happening. Always making sure I had enough
food to eat and gas to get to Boise to spend time with my daughter. Always
impressing on everyone that visits how peaceful it is here. Touching hurting
people that have visited here. Bringing me through a healing process of my own
from my divorce last year. God has been here. And I don't want Him to leave...
Can I say that? *chuckle* I so love being here myself too. So I don't want to
leave either. I so want to be able to speak to people's needs here....
But how am I going to
stay here? I don't know. I can't unless $100,000 comes in in the next three
weeks somewhow, either through grants or gifts or something. Something from
God. And after that, I have been doing a lot of internet work too, since I
can't seem to land a full time job in Boise or anyplace else, just putting info
and things together to sell online (that will also free up my time). We'll see
how that goes...
Among other things, I
have partnered with a local artist to sell his God inspired artwork online for
a share in his profits. I am (slowly) selling and fixing computers again. I
have been writing up some of the stuff I have been doing here over the last
year, like a little book to sell about how we (with help from upstairs :-) )
have been able to make the ranch energy independent with alternate energies
(also including all the newsletters and a more in-depth God history of this
last year than even what I have shared online). Also writing a handbook to
sell, detailing my quest for better gas mileage in the midst of current rising
prices, another little project I have been working on periodically to make
money here stretch a little bit further (my V-6 2.8 Liter Pontiac Grand Prix,
that got 27mpg when I bought it 6 years ago with 93,000 miles on it, was
getting 40 mpg the other day on my way to Boise, with over 200,000 miles on it
now). Other things too. People keep telling me that I am too scatterbrained,
and I do admit that I have that tendency sometimes. :-) But it's all good. It's
not like I have much choice in the matter either. have to do something! And
good things ARE happening. God is good. *big grin* *chuckle*. Anyway.
So I've spent some
time recently also working on my various websites, paperwork, research, stuff
like that. So the new ranch website is <http://www.bighouseministries.com/>
on server webspace donated to me by a friend. And my own site at <http://www.timbenedict.com/> . Keep in mind
that they are both still very much under construction and a long way from being
done, especially since I don't have good internet access right at the moment
(using a basic free service to send this email), but they will still give you a
little idea of some of the things happening here and in my life....
And something else
cool? In my daily prayers for various people around me, I am still seeing God
also work in their lives too, to bring healing, including physical, to them. It
is kinda cool to be a part of that process *delighted/contented smile*.
Something esle cool?
One of my aunts, a single lady who spent most of her life as a nurse in Central
Africa, unexpectedly called me right as I was working on this email tonight,
just asking how I was doing. She also prayed for me, the ranch, and everything
happening, right on the phone with me before she hung up. That was a neat
little God fingerprint too that I am thankful for. He hears her when she prays,
for sure for sure.
So in short, although
it has been a long dark winter in many ways for me, I recognize God's hand
still at work, and I am thankful for it. I recognize that spring is coming
again in my life, and I am filled with new hope. I am thankful to God for His
love and watchcare. What else can I really hang on to?
So the next 3 weeks
are going to be very interesting to see what happens here. I haven't been able
to raise the money for this place on my own. It's gotta be God. Has to be. I do
hope that something happens soon though *soft chuckle*. But even if it doesn't,
I know that God is still working, still in control, and will lead me on to
something else also exciting, elsewhere.
I felt led to read
the book of Esther in the Old Testament last night. And a verse really stood
out to me right in the middle of the story. That I needed to be ready to act,
in case I have been put here for "such a time as this". And it's just
been making me thoughtful all day long, and wondering what God has behind that
verse for me right now and in the near future...
So don't forget about
me over the next several weeks. And keep praying for the ranch here too, and
that God does something clearly, in a way that nobody can deny...
The rain is steadily
falling outside, the thunder has subsided, and night has fallen. The air is
crisp, clean, and cool, if still a touch soggy. The frogs in the swimming pool
are serenading me. Laundry all got washed, and life is good.
:-)
Sincerely,
-Tim
Tim Benedict
Thorn Creek Conference Center
21 Yellowpine Ln
Boise, Idaho 83716
208-392-6723
tbenedict@bigskytel.net