10-25-2004

Dear Friends,

I sit here tonight. A fire blazes in the wood stove in the other room. Vanya is asleep in the bed behind me. The propane light behind me casts shadows across my computer desk. The moon outside shines brightly, and the air outside is well below freezing. And I am in awe. Awe that a living and perfect God would choose to use me to carry His light to the broken people that cross my path daily.

Let me just talk for a minute, about things of God, that He is showing me, and drawing me into, and uplifting my spirit in. My heart tonight feels the deepest sense of awe at the things of God that I have ever felt, and also the greatest and purest joy, and the deepest sorrow I have ever known, all at the same time. I am simply resting in my daddy God's lap tonight, cradled in His arms, as the tears begin to flow afresh down my face as I write.

Let me ask you something. What has serving God, and letting Him love you, cost you? The scriptures say that men will always hate the things of God, because their hearts are evil, separated from God in such a way that makes it literally impossible to comprehend Him, or know His love, His honor, or His touch. Yet, He has called some of us out of the crowd, laid down His life, and made it possible for us to know His mind, His love, and His touch. He laid down His life. And what has it cost you?

Think of a dearest and bestest friend in the whole wide world, someone that always points you to God when you get down, and lets you cry on their shoulder, and lifts you up to the Father above in prayer. Everyone has someone like that praying for them, or needs to have. Once you have a picture of them firmly in your mind, then imagine that they will someday give their life in service to the King, as a martyr, simply because they love Him so much.

I have met very few people in my life, that loved Daddy God enough, that if He asked them to lay down their life in His service, I know that they would gladly do it, with a smile on their face, and a song on their hearts, and a prayer of blessing for their killers on their lips. I have been blessed to know several of these unique individuals. They are still human, like me, with human faults, like me (ugh!), but they know and cherish the love and touch of God in a way that few of us will ever know.

God is pouring out His spirit in revival again here in Boise in my sphere of influence. Spontaneous all night prayer meetings. Meetings where we fall on our faces in reverence and awe of our God. Our creator. Our Lord. Our love. Where we worship with abandon, with tears streaming down our faces with love and reverence for the God of the universe that would choose to call us His children. With tears of shame at our own frail humanity and vices. With tears of gratitude that God would choose to work with us to make us better children, better servants, better people. A pure people. A people of royalty. A people worthy to be called His bride.

And in of these recent prayer meetings, where God was calling us out, to stand against the tide of evil in our world, one of my closest and most treasured friends revealed that God has essentially asked her if she was willing to die in His service, then told here she would serve Him, "to the death". And I was immediately reminded of Rachel Scott from the Columbine shootings, where it was found in her diary after her murder, that she had known, that God had already told her, that she would die in the service of her King.

But this is the second friend I have, that God has shone this to, that if they were truly willing to let Him have His way, they would die in the service of the King. As a martyr, while touching people for Him. Binding up the hearts of the broken hearted. Protecting the fatherless and the widows. Drawing people back to the only power in the universe capable of healing a person's very heart and soul. And these two friends will die in His service.

And it added a new and deeper level to our fellowship in prayer. A grieving, and yet, an incredible joy too, to know that the honor of being a martyr for the King, would fall to some of our number. Hugging each other, weeping, yet feeling the purest joy and honor that I have ever known, and seeing it on everyone else's face too. And then letting them go, back into the hand of Father. Not fighting God, but renewing our vows together to serve Him. It bonded us together, as we worshiped together in the throne room of our God, in a way that nothing will sever. Ever.

So I ask you again. What has serving God cost you? I have in my company, soldiers that are willing to die in service of the King. In the line of duty. As martyrs. As am I. And I know that I will someday grieve over a fallen sister, and a fallen brother, that are soldiers alongside me in the service of my King, struck down by the enemy. And I know that I will someday rise to my feet yet again, with tears streaming down my face, with my fallen brother and sister at my side, and shout to the skies yet again, I WILL WORSHIP MY GOD. I will NOT deny my King. And Satan WILL NOT STAND before me!

*Silent tears falling*

So I ask one last time. What does God's love mean to you?

By way of a quick ranch update.....

We have snow. And my water lines still are not buried. And a host of other things are also still undone. The conference center foundation walls buckled still further with the snow and rain the last three days, and if my friend had not helped me brace the floor joists Monday last week, I am fairly certain the entire building would have collapsed this weekend. But our bracing is holding, for now anyway. But there is a LOT of digging out left to do.... I do have the horse corral finished fixed also, and a horse lady coming in November to check it all out and tell me what I still need, to make it ready for horses and kids. I also found out that we need an environmental engineer up here immediately to tell us what to do with several underground fuel storage tanks here that are abandoned and presumed to be leaking. This is a potential showstopper on this property.

And like I mentioned already, spontaneous all night prayers meetings are breaking out in Boise again. Connections are being made, bonds forged, and people pointed to God. Healings are happening. I can point to several just in this past month. God is turning the hearts of His people back to Himself. Time is short. We do not have time to squander. Time is on the enemy's side now, until the end when God restores all things. This past weekend I was down in Boise helping someone move, and God's fingerprints were all over the place!!! It was simply amazing. Prayers answered in miraculous ways. Enemy strongholds pulled down in prayer. God paving footpaths before us and making the way smooth. I could literally talk for hours about everything I saw Him do just this past weekend. It was simply amazing. One prayer answered right after another. One miracle after another. Dreams and visions fulfilled. New clarity and directions given. And in the middle of it, everything I talked about above, and God calling home of a special woman that had spiritually mothered several of my friends. It was an incredible weekend.

And in light of all that I have shared above, it's amazing how small the cares of this life become....

My jail ministry continues, with people calling me and specifically asking for me to visit them, knowing of me just by word of mouth between prisoners on the inside. My church has also asked me to increase my focus on building a youth program for them, so I am praying about that and considering options there too. Finances and bills also continue to be an issue for me, but I am certain that my God shall supply my needs. My parents are also in town for several weeks, and I look forward to spending time with them, while I possibly also look for a"real" job to tide me through the winter months and try to meet my monthly financial obligations in a more stable way. I continue to also help my pastor get firewood that he both sells for income so he can stay pastoring, and gives to people in his community and church that desperately need it.

And sometime soon, I plan to have a Passion Movie night up here. Where everyone on this email list is invited, to come up on a Friday night soon to come, and we will watch that movie, then worship God, as long as we desire, all night if it happens. I want to see God's face. I want to truly know and understand Him. I want that passion in me, to love Him with everything, so deeply, that nothing else truly matters. I want Him to touch my face, and let me cry into his robes, and to let me feel the touch of his strong arms around my shoulders, giving me strength, lifting me up, and healing those hidden fractures in my life, mind, soul, and spirit.

So I am tired tonight, sore, and dealing with a headache, but my soul is at rest, and I know whom I serve. And I am content. God is good.

Sincerely,

Tim Benedict
Thorn Creek Conference Center
21 Yellowpine Lane
Boise, ID 83716
208-392-6723
tbenedict@bigskytel.net