October
9th, 2007
Dear
friends,
Ain't life
crazy sometimes?
Lots
happening here, both good and bad.
I started
a new decent paying job about September 15th for a friend
cutting firewood and doing odd jobs around his business, and it is helping
pay the bills. Big answer to prayer. Thanks God, and everyone who prayed.
Then
on September 28th, we received a personally delivered 30-day notice to
vacate the property (us, our stuff, and all the tons of donations -beds,
construction supplies, wood stoves, etc for rebuilding this place) from the
owners on the night we were driving out of town to Portland to Josh's wedding
to Karen's sister Connie (which leaves us with 18 days to go). This kinda put a
damper on me and Karen for the wedding weekend (which also rained the entire
time and necessitated a fast plan B for the originally planned outdoor
wedding). The wedding happened though, and was memorable in its own way, and I
am very happy for Josh and Connie. :) (They'll be living in Portland).
But that
leaves us here on Thorn Creek scrambling for answers......
Even so,
through that wedding weekend and the first part of the next week, I went
through a very real grieving process of letting the whole dream for
the youth/prayer ranch go. I went through the angry stage, the denial
stage, to blame game stage, and all the others, until on Tuesday evening, I
finally accepted it, and actually got excited about some other possible places
to live and move to. I actually let it all go, something that a lot of people
(and myself) were questioning that I would be able to do, and I had a lot
of peace and excitement in my heart. Then Wednesday, I got stopped cold in my tracks.
You see, I
had prayed a number of times over the past four years for a wood
pellet stove to install HERE. Wednesday, someone gave us one, finally, for
free. Then Thursday, someone offered us a regular wood stove as well, something
else I knew we needed more of (and had prayed once for) to put in the various
cabins here once we start renovating them. I really started scratching my
head then. Then I read Isaiah 42, and a verse I never saw before jumped
out at me about God telling his people the things He will do before He does
them. So I put out several "fleeces", and they all seemed to indicate
that I was supposed to stay here.... I even fasted and prayed about this. I
also got one of my marketing websites up and fixed finally on Saturday (been
fighting with it about 3 weeks and prayed for God's help on it). So this sudden
string of answered prayers kinda put me back into a possible Thorn Creek frame
of mind in planning for the future.
But over
this past weekend, me and Karen did also go ahead and check out
several housing options in the area, including one that about half the family
was really begging for, but that just felt wrong to me. I dug in my
heels against it, without really knowing why. I felt so strongly about it
that I actually felt sick to my stomach.
Karen and I
also took our 2 boys (and Karen's brother who was visiting) to see a movie in
town on Sunday, one we had been looking forward to seeing for quite some time.
On the way in, Sergei and Joey were challenging Karen and I on some
of our beliefs about God and Satan. I finally just told them that I was going
to ask God to do something unusual that day to prove both the reality of
Himself and of the darkness. I have to laugh, because God did exactly that. The
movie kept messing up (sound getting out of sync), and eventually, stopped
completely. Apparently, the air compressor on the projector had blown out, and
they couldn't fix it (translation - almost never happens, because they didn't
have the spare part necessary to fix it either on hand or even available). So
the long and the short of it is that we got 2 free movie re-admission tickets
each. I pointed out to them that in direct response to my prayer, the darkness
did its best to ruin our afternoon outing (make us miss a movie we had been looking
forward to seeing), and afterwards, God made something good come out of it
(gave us 2 free tickets each - several of which we then later used to see the
movie we had missed earlier). It was obvious to me, though my boys didn't sound
like they accepted it. I had to just shake my head in wonder.
Then last
night (Monday night), in spite of the fact that I have too much work to do at
home after getting home from the job each day, one of my daughters asked me
to take her to the "Casting Crowns" concert in Boise. When I
considered it, it felt like I should go, even though logic said I needed to
stay home and catch up on some things around here. So I took Ruthie and Vika,
and we went to the concert. What was cool though, was that we got there
late, and as we were ready to buy tickets to get in, this lady we've never met
before handed us three tickets, for free (normally $18 apiece I was told). Me
and the girls just kinda looked at each other in incredulous surprise
and asked if we had really just been given 3 free tickets to get in. We had, so
we went in, and it was a good concert. We enjoyed it. But I also heard some
things that I needed to hear, just about some of my own attitudes and what not,
so me and God did some "surgery" today. I had to give up some pet
attitudes that I came to understand were blocking some of God's work in my
life. I don't want anything blocking Him or His work.
So
then today has been an even more interesting day. I got up this morning,
did devotions with the older girls (the ones that went to Australia last
summer), got a fire going for hot water for Karen and kids to shower
in, and to warm the house up, then overheard a heated argument between 2
of my kids. One was affirming how God would take care of us, and maybe let us keep
living here by bringing in money to buy this place and build a prayer ranch,
and the other (one of my boys) was saying, "There's no way God's
going to bring us $10,000 in the next 2 weeks". In some ways, I felt
really good that at least some of my kids are starting to see and understand
what walking in faith with God means, and it also made me cringe when the
other child challenged God on it. The interesting detail here is that I
have been praying almost daily that God demonstrate His reality to my 2 boys
who are questioning everything about me and Karen's beliefs in God.
Then I went to work and talked with God all day long, in between wrestling
with emotions of grief and discouragement again. As soon as I got off
work, we had a family "discussion" about one of the houses we
had looked at over the weekend. Before long the discussion actually escalated
into a bit of a family argument, and I found out that my frustration level with
the situation is a lot higher than I realized, and had to ask forgiveness later
for raising my voice at several people. But in the midst of the argument, I was
searching for some reason why I felt so strongly against this one particular
house. And it hit me, just out of the blue (God I think, opening my eyes), that
a convicted sex offender lived nearby. I was immediately accused of
intentionally pulling emotional blackmail strings. But when we got home, I
looked up the local sex offender registry on the internet, and sure enough, a
convicted sex offender (apparently a violent rapist of a minor under 16,
near as I could tell) lived about a block down, just a couple
of houses away from the one I was refusing to consider, where my kids
would walk and ride their bikes past his house everyday if we lived there. Out
of only 18 registered offenders in the entire 8 incorporated cities and
countless communities in the county, there happened to be one almost next door
to where we had considered. Needless to say, I'm glad I listened to
my gut/heart/"God ears" and stuck to my guns on that one.
Then while
Karen went to Boise this evening to a class on dealing with kids with
ADHD, I came home, made supper for the family, took a nap, prayed, and
finally pulled out the computer to get some work done.
So in a
nutshell, here's our quandary. I've tried to do a little fundraising,
grant research, etc, now that the diesel tanks are gone and the ground
certified clean, but since we don't own the property here yet (and we're
supposed to be gone in 18 days), it's been tough to convince people to help
out. Since we don't even have anything in writing with the owners yet, we can't
go after grants to renovate or set things up (and there's apparently not many
that are even set up to help people/organizations actually buy property and
facilities). Without some renovation, we can't even host retreats to earn the
money either. It also means it's more difficult to fundraise in churches and
organizations. It would take less than $20,000 earnest money to lock up
the property into a "sale pending" state to where we could push again
for fundraising with groups and organizations. The property is available to us
for $500,000, even though it was on the market a number of years ago
apparently for 2 million (it's gotten pretty run down since then, except for
where me and my family and friends have already renovated it out of our
own pockets). My credit is still shot from my divorce 4 years ago and my ex's
subsequent bankruptcy, so I also can't get a regular home loan for
it. But what's especially frustrating is that I have a book published and being
sold, but I won't receive my first royalty check until February. Additionally,
my old logging boss has given me his word that as soon as the property is ours,
he'll come log part of it for us to help pay for things (I had part of the timber
professionally appraised at between $20,000 and $40,000 profit to
us, three years ago - worth more now). I have had 2 (possibly 3 - still
discussing details) publishing offers already on my second book, and at
least one tentative offer on my third and fourth ones. I am in the beginning
stages of developing a fire fighting product with some friends that should
become quite profitable several years down the road. Likewise, I am developing
some web marketing tools that should also be profitable as soon as I
can upload them to the web. Thus, I eventually WILL have the money to
support and run this ranch, but right now, we're broke and out of time. Even
our official non-profit status with the IRS is pending, in part because of the
property situation. It's very frustrating, can I say that?
Like I said
earlier, what a crazy life. I'd be worried if I didn't know who was in
charge.....
So prayer
praises:
1. I have
an indefinite "temporary" job that pays well, is close to home, is
flexible, and is work I can do.
2. We are
being stretched and pulled, but our faith is growing (what choice is there?)
Several of the kids are really grabbing onto it too.
3. Several
friends have helped us out recently with groceries when things were(are) tight.
4. Several
friends have actually offered to let us and our whole family stay with them if
we have to move out of here before we can find something else.
5.
Another man has suddenly come to us with a burden to work with youth, that
has a few potential, down-the-road-a-bit leads on funding. (Yeah, I've heard
this story before, but I am choosing to remain optimistic).
6. Josh and
Connie got happily married, and we had a safe trip to Portland and back
7. Karen's
brother Jeremy came to visit for the weekend, and we all enjoyed his company.
8. We serve
a big God who loves us.
and
requests:
1. Pray
that someone with resources will quickly come alongside us and help us make
this youth/prayer ranch a reality.... 'Cause otherwise, we have 18 days to move
ourselves out, along with a ton of donated items and construction supplies
meant for the ranch.... (And we'll need help doing it, along with a place to go
to.)
2. Pray
that God shows His reality to our children, and that they grow through this.
Our two sons, Joey and Sergei, are questioning everything.
3. Pray
that I can be the stable husband and father that this family needs in this
stressful time of limbo.
4. Pray
that Karen can be the stable wife and mom that this family needs also right
now.
5. Just pray
for all of us. These last several weeks have been rough on us.
Since
several people have asked how, if you want to donate something to help towards
the purchase price of the property, send it to the address below, clearly
marked as to its purpose, or use the paypal donation option on the http://www.bighouseministries.com
website.
Thanks
In Him,
Tim
Benedict
208-392-6723
timbenedict@peoplepc.com
http://www.bighouseministries.com
21 Yellowpine Lane, Boise, ID 83716