9-12-2006
Dear
Friends,
I sit here
tonight with my mind filled with many thoughts. My new bride sleeps peacefully
in the bed behind me. My new children sleep quietly in the rooms next door. The
other staff that live here sleep silently downstairs. The cats are asleep, the
bird is asleep, the dogs are asleep, the fish are still, and even it seems, the
mice slumber. It is quiet here tonight. Just me, you via my computer, and God.
I think
back to my wedding 3 weeks ago, to a woman that people around me have
called my soulmate. I ponder how her 7 children call me dad. I consider how my
own daughter clings to her new mother and brothers and sisters like the family
she never had. I watch as God draws each person here under my care into Himself
deeper, into a deeper knowledge of, and walk with, Him, and into a more
profound sense of belonging, and of being loved. We are family, and we are
God's children.
And I am
satisfied.
My emotions
got a little rattled Sunday when the owners of the ranch showed up unexpectedly
with news that they were listing the ranch to sell, and
then showed potential buyers through our home that we have been
renting from them here at the ranch. There are many words to describe what I
felt, after their own lawyer had told us personally that the owners cannot sell
to us or anyone else until they remove the diesel tanks, and the owners are now
ignoring his advice, leaving us and various youth ranch investors
slackjawed. But I reminded myself, as me and my wife prayed it through last
night, that God has begun a work here, and He will be faithful to complete it.
There are too many fingerprints. Too many dreams. Too many visions of the
future. I was also reminded by a staff member that even the owners need to feel
Christ's love for themselves, and that we need to show it to them.
I think
about how during our wedding three weeks ago, the unity candle blew out after
Karen and I had lit it together, but when I reached down to pick up the lighter
to relight it, the candle wick lit back up of its own accord. Lots of
people saw it happen. I think we even have it on video. I cannot deny that God
was there in the midst of our ceremony, sealing it with His own unique stamp of
approval. Without His light and flame of passion in our lives, nothing we do or
try will truly succeed. He brings forth beauty from ashes, and in our wedding,
He did exactly that. He brought forth flame from a wick that had burned out.
I think
about a potentially deadly situation when our truck's hitch ball came
unscrewed suddenly (???) on Saturday when we were pulling one of our
utility trailers with furniture and propane tanks in it, and
it careened across traffic lanes and into the mountainside while we
watched it, dumbfounded, in our rearview mirrors. No one was hurt, and we
"just happened to have" another ball with us that fit both the
trailer hitch and truck, and we were able to bring the trailer on
home without any further mishaps.
I think of
the rest of the incredible number of God moments and God fingerprints that
Karen and I have seen in our short/fast courtship, our wedding, our honeymoon,
our move, and now our lives here together. This newsletter was originally going
to be a seriously long one, trying to detail the many God fingerprints
that we lost track of, until God changed the focus of my thoughts tonight as I
prepared to write.
I think
about the 30-something single man that wants to move here to be mentored and to
get his hands dirty in ministry. I think about the 30-something couple that
wants to move here to help build the place, maybe be foster parents, and help
direct our camping program next summer. I think about the 30-something single
lady that wants to move here to develop a horse program to work with wounded
youth. I think about the 30-something single man that moved to Boise 2 weeks
ago specifically so that he could make the jump up to the ranch soon, to help
us. I think about the early-30-something family that is waiting for God's
go-ahead to move here and direct our wilderness camping program and help with
graphic design and PR work. I think about the youth that the ranch is now
touching: my 8 kids, the 18-yr old young man that came to us several months
ago, and the many other kids that walk through our doors on a consistent basis.
I think about the already existing foster home in our group, run
by a 30-something couple that does crisis foster care, that is struggling
financially. I think about the existing home for those with disabilities that
wants to partner with us to help better leverage resources. I think about
several older people, and older couples, that also want to move here and help
in various ways. I think about the monumental paperwork tasks that I personally
have yet to do to make the ranch a reality (I keep discovering more red
tape). I think about our electricity and power generation needs. I think
about our financial needs. I think about the 2 upcoming work parties
scheduled here in the next few weeks. I think about
another young family that plans to help us, that is moving to Boise as
soon as they can find a place, for training and mentorship, to prepare for
whatever it is that God has in store for them. I think about the many others
that have expressed an interest in helping out in some fashion or another.
And I also
think about the many many prayer warriors, both older and younger, that
stand around each one of us here at the ranch, praying for us and protecting us
with their prayers. I think about the many people that have given of their
time, sweat, and money to help make this place a reality. I think of the way in
which God has simply and gently carried each of us here through some bitter
struggles, and has been forging us into a team of people dedicated to reaching
wounded youth.
And when I
clear my mind once again, of all the thoughts, and all the worries, I rest
content in the simple knowledge that God is my God, He loves me, and I will
serve Him. He told me to build a youth ranch. We will build a youth ranch, and
He will make it happen. I am content to call Him my Lord, and I am satisfied
that He knows and sees a bigger picture than I do. In His time, things will
fall together in a way that will make me sit back and shake my head in wonder,
in a deeper and more profound way than I already do..... God truly impresses me
sometimes, and I cling to Him, and the knowledge that He will someday bring
beauty out of the ashes of my own life, in spite of my vices, in spite of
my frequent mistakes and missteps, and in spite of the fact that I am
merely human. He is taking me deeper into Himself, and I am learning more about
Him and His character, and I sometimes just sit and ponder in almost awe, at
who He is.
Have you
ever watched in awe and wonder, a child pick a flower and give it to a complete
stranger, just because in their simple innocence, they desire to make
someone's world a better place? God is like that. There is a part of
Him that is so pure and so innocent, and so full of love, that He cannot
resist sometimes, just reaching down to make someone smile. But imagine Him
also being all-knowing, and all-powerful, and yet not knowing how to respond to
those of us that disrespect Him, and mock His name and
character. Has your heart ever sobbed with a child when someone stole
their bubblegum, or called them a dirty name, and the child simply couldn't
comprehend why someone would want to be so hateful to them? Have you ever heard
God cry when we do that to Him? It will change you if He trusts
you enough to let you hear Him.... An innocent child would never force His
will on someone, and never wish harm to someone. The innocent child wants
to help, wants to love, and could never comprehend doing harm to
someone. But can God in His innocence and love allow evil or negativity to
exist in His face or in His own home in heaven someday? Will He allow us to
bully our way into His refuge, His sanctuary, His home, and His priceless
heaven, without us having first sincerely apologized to Him here for hurting
Him with all the ways that we hurt each other and disrespect the very gift of
precious life He gave us here on Earth? Will everyone be in heaven
automatically someday? The simple child-like innocence of God will not
allow anyone into His home who has not apologized to Him here first in
sincerity, and asked Him for forgiveness for the ways in which we have dishonored
Him and the gift of life He gave us. But where else is there to go? In my mind,
anyplace that is not in His awesome presence for eternity, will be
hell. Ponder the innocence of God sometime if you dare, and that childlike
innocence with which He wants to love us, that wants to heal, and that is so
easily wounded and hurt by our negative actions
Then if you
dare, try considering the sense of justice that a child sometimes
displays, and consider that God also displays that same sense of simple justice
in His own character. There is much that we can learn from the untainted sense
of innocence and justice that still exists in some of the children,
by watching them....
There are
many things we could request prayer for here at the ranch, and many needs, but
by reading my previous thoughts, you can get a fair grasp on some of them. Pray
specifically though, for a meeting today (Tuesday) between the ranch owners and
a real estate broker friend of mine that is trying to offer them a lucrative
real estate deal in return for giving us the ranch. Pray that God breaks the
limbo, and moves things forward, in HIS time, and that everyone here will stick
with things, and not buckle under the stress and pressure, and that we will
bond together even more tightly as a team of people dedicated to bringing
wounded youth and people into God's presence, where He and they can get to know
each other and begin that restoration project in their own lives as well.
God is God,
and God is good. Progress is progress, and I am glad.
Sincerely,
-Tim
www.bighouseministries.com
Tim & Karen Benedict
Thorn Creek Conference Center & Youth Ranch
21 Yellowpine Lane
Boise, Idaho 83716
208-392-6723
timbenedict@peoplepc.com